I was sitting in the car shedding angry tears wondering if God cared about me. We were about to be homeless. Where was God in my life?
As humans, we crave safety and stability. We want to know we have food in the pantry, our bills can be paid, and we have a roof over our heads. The security of my family was put into jeopardy when we were notified our lease was not being renewed. It caused me to question God in my life.
We Had to Move
This was not the only time we got one of these notices. The catalyst that brought us to Arizona was a note like this posted to our front door in 2014. We felt inspired to leave California and that the Lord wanted us here in Arizona. We acted and were blessed, but now this.
My wife and I spent a lot of time in prayer and talking with friends in real estate and they said we were in a good position to buy a home. We were so excited because we thought we would have to save for a few more years.
We looked at a few homes, but none of them worked for us. Not big enough for our family, not a great neighborhood, property damage that would take a significant investment to repair.
After a few weeks on a limited time clock, we found a home that fit what we were looking for. We took our inquiry to the Lord. Both Kristie and I were filled with peace and we knew that God we guiding us to this point.
As we played the waiting game for offers, concessions, approvals, and inspections; we started to get nervous. Two days before we were supposed to close, our lender’s underwriter found something that they thought would disqualify us for our home loan.
Where was God in My Life?
My heart sank. The home we were trying to buy was just outside our reach, and we were about to be kicked out of the house we were renting. Essentially in four days we would be homeless.
My mind was racing. Where we going to live, how would I tell my wife? Why does this keep happening to us?
As I stressed on how I was going to provide security for my family I was contacted by my loan agent. He had an idea to rework our loan that had a slight chance to of still getting us approved.
I left work a little early and sat in my car. I was furious with God. In my anger I exclaimed that I was trying so hard to do what is right. Why lead me this far, only to take everything away? I doubted if I was even being led. I was sitting in the car shedding angry tears wondering if God cared about me. Why wasn’t God in my life now?
Answers Come from the Spirit
I was enveloped with comfort at that moment. The Spirit whispered to my mind. “I have lead you here. I have delivered you before. Why do you doubt now?” He had, it was true. It was how we ended up in Arizona in the first place.
I went home and pretended everything was fine to my wife and wrestled the feelings of doubt all night. It was a burden who’s only solution was the faithfully wait. It seems unkind to subject her to that stress.
The next day, our lender was able to make things work for us and we were able to move to our new ward and into a home we love. We have been here for a year now it has been a fantastic situation. My kids have friends in the neighborhood to play with, my wife has friends that she she feels connected with. We struggled with these things with before.
In hindsight I can see that God was guiding us. He took us through a trial to deliver us to a place where we are happier and full of even more faith.
How have you need the hard of God in your life? Mormon.org has a great article to help us recognize God’s reality in our lives.
