I just finished Greg Trimble’s Dads Who Stay and Fight.
We need more Dads who are willing to be the heroes of their family. L. Tom Perry said that many of the issues we face in society “offer clear evidence of lack of a positive influence of fathers in the homes. A family needs a father to anchor it.” Reading Dads Who Stay and Fight is helping me be the anchor of my family. (available on Amazon)
Why I started reading Dads Who Stay and Fight
I started reading Dads Who Stay and Fight because there is an epidemic that I don’t want to be part of. We have a problem in our society of Dads who don’t lead, Dads who fail to show up, and Dads who leave. It breaks my heart.
A few years ago a brother in our congregation decided to leave his family and it shook me. It also shook my wife. On the surface, they were the perfect family who had so many kids they outgrew the minivan and went to the full size. My wife wondered if I would leave someday too. I also questioned if I would ever get to the point that moving across the country seemed like a great idea. It was the furthest things from my mind, but at one time I am sure it was his too.
I realized that it isn’t enough to simply not leave or show up when called upon. I needed to lead. That is what the world needs right now. We need Dads Who Stay and Fight.
Listen to the First Chapter of Dads Who Stay and Fight
Putting Dads Who Stay and Fight Into Action
Greg Trimble’s new book is a must have for any Dad who wants to be the hero of his family. I struggle with “self-help” books, but Dads Who Stay and Fight reads more like a manual than a novel. It is broken down into thirty-one digestible chapters. They are only a few pages, so you can read one a day and then spend that day working on that trait. Or pick one for the week and read it every morning.
We often read scriptures, watch conference talks, or listen to audiobooks and feel really good when we are done. We feel like we can conquer the world! Then after 4 minutes, life comes in and distracts, demotivates, or deflates us. It isn’t enough to just read, watch, and listen; we have to act!
My Kids Picked the Four Chapters I Should Focus On
Ginger- Dads and Daughters
When it comes to Fatherhood, being a Dad of girls is much different than being a Dad to boys. My boys all love me and I love them. This girl is the only one that runs to me every time I get home from work. As I walk into the door I can sometimes hear her scrambling to get downstairs as fast as her little legs can take her. “Daddy you’re home!” she exclaims as she jumps to me.
There is a reason this relationship is different. So much of her self esteem and future happiness relies on her relationship with me.
A daughter will look to her mother on what to do, how to act, how to look, and how to live. But a daughter will look to her dad for core validation on everything that she is.
Ginger is always the first to volunteer to run an errand with me. Even if it is getting some diapers. Whenever I get a tool out to start a project, she is right there with me. She wants to help and often ask is she is doing a good job, and I acknowledge that she is.
I give her genuine well rounded praise. Not only do I tell her she is beautiful; I also tell her that she is funny, smart, faithful, strong, clever, kind. I don’t want her to feel like she is just one thing, I want her to feel like she has the capacity to be all things.
Gavin- Dads Who Build Forts
Gavin thought this section meant actual play forts. This kids loves forts! We even have one set up right now. When I asked for his recommendation he said, “Dad, you read and I’ll go get the blankets!” This section actually discusses how we will help our children create spiritual fortresses of their own.
The forts we build will be inside of our kids; the forts will be a powerful fortress of character that will sustain our kids during troubled times.
There are many things we can do in our homes to build forts. They are all the novel either. It is the simple things. Family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, family dinner. All these things have helped us unite as a family and make our home a refuge.
When kids know they can come home and feel loved, feel like they belong, feel the spirit they gain confidence that will help them withstand the pressure of peers.
To be more specific, I am currently working one on one with my son Garren, who is a Deacon. We work together on his scouting achievements and his Duty to God. I need to be better at being the leader in making these things happen in the home and not put all the responsibility on my amazing wife.
Greyson- Dads Who Listen
For many of our kids their Love Language is quality time. If it isn’t the primary Love Language, it is a close second. Think about someone you love talking to, especially when you are going through a tough time. I bet they are a great listener.
They won’t ask you questions forever, and one day when they’re all grown up, you’ll with they would ask you a few more of those innocent little questions.
There is a quote that I love with it comes to listening to my kids. “If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.” -Catherine M. Wallace. Greyson loves to talk to me about the dumbest stuff. He wants to tell me about the episode of Pokemon he saw and the kid in his class who tells funny jokes.
By listening how, I increase the chances he will be willing to tell me about the tv show he turned off that was inappropriate or the kid in class who offered him drugs when he is older. This will also help to create opportunities and transitions to have the big milestone talks.
Like when I talked to Greyson about sex.
Garren- Dads and Sons
When I asked Garren what I should work on to be better, he told me nothing because I was the perfect Dad. As I was trying to but back together my melting heart Greyson says, “Yeah Dad is so ‘perfect'” with little sarcastic quotes. To that Garren got angry and shouted, “Greyson! I wouldn’t change anything about Dad, he is the best!”
It’s a father’s job to set the example for his son in all that he does. His work ethic, his worship, and his willingness to serve others will do more for his son than anything else.
Garren is of an age where he is drifting apart from Mom and getting closer to Dad. Kristie always knew this day would come. Dads have a different relationship with their sons than with their Moms. Mom is home all day with the kids and is often the one telling them to do their homework, clean their room, or just leave her alone for 5 minuted as she does her responsibilities. When I get home, I often want to play with the kids or go on adventures. Like searching A Mountain for Pokemon!
This isn’t fair to her. I can’t be the weekend Dad who swoops in and rescues the kids from Mom’s “tyranny”. That is not the type of Hero Dads are meant to be. I need to be better about leading in house work and chores. To come home and relieve my wife from the unfun parts of child rearing instead of undermining it.
Dads Who Stay and Fight will help you be the kind of man your children need and the man your wife deserves.
These four things might have resonated with you for yourself or your husband. If they didn’t, there are still twenty-seven more chapters. In fact, my wife Kristie shared the four chapters that all husbands should develop.
We Have a Copy of Dads Who Stay and Fight for You! (well, we did.)
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